Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
