apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
