im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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