whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
