Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
