I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
