Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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