he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
