I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
