I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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