the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize