Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
