Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
