There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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