Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
