Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
