Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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