I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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