I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
