Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
