Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
