i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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