If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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