I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
do herpes really smell.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
