i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
