How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
