I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
