Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize