Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
