Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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