pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
