I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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