and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
