he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
