Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
