I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize