Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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