One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
