Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
