How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
...so i touched it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
