I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
