Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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