I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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