Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
