Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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