he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
