He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
