i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
