Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
