it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
