The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
