hotel room ftw
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
