I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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