I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
