you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
