I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
