If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
