when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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