Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
