youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
