I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
