How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
