I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
