I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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