I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
