I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
vagina is talking i cant
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
