He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
