i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize