I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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