and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
