that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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