I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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