Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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