somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
