nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
