2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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