Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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