we have officially lost it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize