dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize