My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
as a side note pls kill me
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
