im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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