I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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