Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
