Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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