I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
