I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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