just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
