Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
