yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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