Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
