you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
