I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
