Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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