I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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