I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
