areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
