I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize