Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
