when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize