It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
