apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
