SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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