it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
