are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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