can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
