The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
