So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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