she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
