I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
