I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm like, not good at living.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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